what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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