Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
