...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
