i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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