so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Houston, we have a squirter
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
