turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
