well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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