also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
