when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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