I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
