By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
