Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
