You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God I need to hump something, right now.
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