We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
