Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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