My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
