weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
