Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
