I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
