is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
