my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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