just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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