Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
