my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
