The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
