If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
