We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
