ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
