and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
