im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
