Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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