Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
