We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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