i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
