I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
