saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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