my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
