I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
