god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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