you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
