i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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