I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
