How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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