new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
