2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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