Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
