There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Swine flu is the new snow day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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