i think my tv is drunk
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
