My balls are so social today.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
