dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
