there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
